you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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