I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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