soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
