i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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