a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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