Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
