meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
