dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
