how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
