Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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