What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
