she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
