Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to make out with him forever
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
