HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
