GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
