I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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