Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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