I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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