remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
