3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
