I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
