Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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