bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
