Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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