the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love you.
Bad choice
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
