That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
