Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
