I accidentally had phone sex last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
