Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
