Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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