Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
