Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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