operation harelip BJ is a go
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
