so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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