that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
