apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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