Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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