this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
