hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
