I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
