OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
