I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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