yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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