So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
