just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
