Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
