Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
