i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wannas sexs uuuuu
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
