There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
