Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
