Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
OPIZZABONMYDICK
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
