So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
