What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
