Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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